Move through your divorce with purpose, support, and new hope.
Most people who enter the divorce process find themselves in uncharted territory. They are not prepared for the emotional impact, and are unfamiliar with legal procedure, legal jargon, or working with attorneys.
Rather than floundering through each step alone, a divorce coach can walk with you to efficiently manage your divorce, identify and achieve your goals, grow through this difficult season, and aim toward the future. You can move through your divorce with purpose, support, and new hope.
What does a divorce coach do?
A divorce coach will help you navigate the entire course of divorce: before, during, and after, or even for a brief time when you need guidance. She walks through the process with you, acting as a mentor or guide – a temporary life coach for this journey.
Rather than an attorney’s necessary and narrow target of a satisfactory legal outcome, or a therapists’ goal of emotional wellness, a divorce coach is not confined to speaking with you about one aspect of your divorce. She understands the multifaceted nature of divorce and can help you see the big picture, the whole system. Instead of departmentalizing the many parts of your life that have been affected by divorce, you can work together to move your whole life forward in a positive direction.
Also, a divorce coach can…
- Act as a sounding board and thinking partner
- Maximize the quality of time you spend with your attorney
- Map out a path to confidence and peace
- Help you overcome obstacles and fears
- Set, define, and refine your goals
- Identify opportunities for growth and learning
- Create a solid course of action in addressing difficult situations
- Prioritize tasks and homework from your attorney
- Identify and process stages of grief
- Ease the impact of stress
- Identify and focus on your priorities by peeling away anything that is excess
- Challenge and encourage you
- Support you as you move forward with your life
Why choose a divorce coach?
Learn Powerful Tips & Techniques
There are new skills to learn and old ones to hone with a transition as substantial as divorce. As relationships change, your approach to them must change too. This is a growing process and a difficult one, but one that can be easier with the help of a divorce coach at your side.
You may work with your divorce coach to:
- Determine the best ways to deal with a difficult or belligerent spouse
- Develop co-parenting strategies that work for you and your spouse
- Sharpen communication skills
- Work on strengthening personal boundaries
- Learn new conflict resolution skills
What? Won’t I be spending more if I hire another person?
Your coach can help you reduce the time needed with your divorce attorney, so can have lower legal bills. Often, the coaching fees are less than attorney fees and time is used more efficiently when used for appropriate purposes.
- Sort issues and questions with your coach first. Then address them in the best context with your attorney, your coach, or another professional. Limit time spent with your attorney on her specialty: legal matters.
- Prepare, gather, and organize paperwork in advance. Similar to the above point, when you complete the homework from your attorney and tasks you discussed with your coach, legal fees can be minimized. Your coach will give you guidance and clarity in which documents to gather, options for organization, and provide other tips to reduce fees.
- Arrive emotionally prepared and focused for meetings with your attorney. The time you spend will be more efficiently used when you are mentally ready to discuss the meeting agenda. Otherwise, conversation can easily go off-topic by discussing a recent argument with your spouse rather than the division of retirement assets. You may be distracted by fears and not give your full attention to the important discussion at hand, or approach the discussion as a defeated person and not voice your true opinions.
Set Goals & Look to the Future
Divorce brings with it a roller-coaster of emotions and dozens of different motives for action. Your divorce coach can help you filter through these and manage them to your own benefit.
Identify and refine your goals
Clearly defined goals are crucial to the work you do with your divorce attorney. When you both know what to aim for, you can work together in the same direction. You can collaborate to achieve an outcome closely aligned to your goals.
Learn how to
- Live in self-respect rather than self-defeat or humiliation
- Silence your critics including your inner critic
- Stand up for yourself in calm confidence
- Choose a positive and constructive direction when challenged
- Pinpoint areas where compromise is appropriate and standing firm is essential
- Climb out of unhelpful and unhealthful attitudes
- Retain your dignity and integrity during the divorce process
Look to the future
- Work together to build confidence, security and stability into your future
- Challenge yourself and face your fears
- See beyond current stressors to recognize hope
- Identify barriers to trust in future relationships
- Explore new dreams for your life and learn how to dream again
- Envision your new identity and opportunities that brings
A natural response to the upheaval of divorce is to turn to family, friends, and your divorce attorney for support. Loved ones may be bombarded with information and heavily relied upon for advice. While unfettered support of your loved ones is good and necessary, it does not remove the craving for an objective view of your situation.
On the other hand, it may be easy to bring all of your questions, not just legal questions, to your attorney. It can also be difficult to distinguish if a question is legal or business in nature, or if it is emotional, interpersonal or lifestyle in nature. The result of this can easily slide to either side of the spectrum: sharing every worry and complaint with your attorney, or not providing crucial information to your attorney.
Your divorce coach can help you define the best personal boundaries for this unique time. Together you can determine how much detail is appropriate and reasonable to share with your loved ones, learn how to speak with your attorney effectively and efficiently, and discuss additional options you may not have considered.
A divorce coach is not…
A divorce coach is not a counselor. She is not a substitute for medical or clinical treatment, diagnosis, or therapeutic care.
A divorce coach is also not a substitute for an attorney and does not provide legal counsel when acting as a divorce coach. Your divorce attorney represents you by drafting and filing official documents, advocating and aggressively fighting for your rights, working to create the best settlement agreement possible, and drawing up the final divorce decree document.